Which god did you have in mind?

Overheard on a public bus:

… so like I was saying, God musta been watching over me that day, cause there’s no way I coulda walked away from that crash.  Just no way!  And that’s why I’m ridin’ the bus.

That’s quite a story.  Now exactly which god was that?

Say what?

You suggested a divine intervention in your deliverance.  You even invoked a god who may have been responsible.  Are you giving credit to a specific divinity then?

You some kinda wise guy?  Of course I’m serious.  I mean God.

So you said.  But which one exactly?

Huh?  God.  The God!

I’m sorry, I must have missed the name.  Which one was that?

The one true God, of course!  What’s so hard to understand about that?  You either believe in God or you don’t.

Oh, there’s certainly no shortage of belief in divine beings, I’ll grant you.  And hundreds or thousands of candidates to choose from.  So how did you narrow them down to one?

What them?  There can only be one, right?  It seems pretty obvious.  I mean, look around you!  Where did all this come from?  Some one musta made it, right?  And come on, everyone believes in God!  Almost everyone.  That must tell you something!

Oh, I see.  So if I understand correctly, the rule you are proposing is that if almost everyone believes in something, it should be assumed without further question.

Well, yeah, I guess so.  I mean, that many people can’t be wrong about something so basic, right?

I see.  How many exactly?

People?  I don’t know.  A lot.  You heard a million people can’t be wrong.

Oh, so a million would be sufficiently compelling.  That means you must pay homage to Shamash.

Who?

The great Akkadian god of justice.  Nearly everyone in ancient Babylonia believed and worshipped Shamash.  That’s more than a million people.  So Shamash must be a true god.

Come on, be serious.

So … no to Shamash then?  That would suggest a million people can be wrong.  Perhaps frequently are. 

What about Enlil?  Enki?  Ninlil?  Anu?  Adad?  Egalmah?  Ishtar?  Marduk?

Say what?  Of course I don’t believe in any of those, whoever they are.

Are you sure?  Virtually everyone in that region did, at one time.  Many millions.

So what?  They were plenty ignorant back then, weren’t they?

What about Osiris, the god of the dead and judge of the Egyptian underworld?

You gonna waste my time?

Isis, Horus, Set, Ra, Thoth, Aten, Hapi?

Of course not.  That would be ridiculous.

Asher, Baal?

Never heard of ‘em.

Ah!  I see.  They can only be seriously considered if you’ve heard of them.  What of Zeus, Hera, Poseidon, Apollo, Athena, Hermes?

Yeah, I heard of those.  But they’re just myths, right?

What do you mean by myths?

Stories, man!  No one thinks they’re real.

Do you mean that the Greeks who told those stories and worshipped those gods and offered costly sacrifices did not believe in them?  If so, they appear to have devoted a lot of time and resources offering respect to gods they didn’t believe in.  What then of the popularity of the Oracle at Delphi?  Or of the games at Olympia, which began as a religious festival?

Well, they may have been fooled.  Like little kids, right?  They didn’t know any better.  But come on, this is the modern world we’re living in.

We still have Roman gods in our calendar.  Juno, Mars, Janus, the Caesars.  And the ancient Romans marched to war under the banner of Jupiter.  That seems a clear mark of respect and commitment.

Well, we grew out of that sort of thing, right?

Christian crusaders marched into the Holy Land under the banner of the cross.  Not so very long ago, comparatively.

Well those were Catholics, right?

Roman Catholics use the same days of the week as we do.  Tiw, Woden, Thor, Frei.

Oh, them Norse gods, eh?  Got rid of them too, didn’t we?

Except we still use their names as daily reminders.

Okay.  So?

So why your apparent unwillingness to believe in those popular gods?  All with millions of devoted followers.

Come on!  I don’t need to justify not believing in a bunch of fairy tales.

Is that the answer you would give to a Roman emperor who had commanded you to make a public sacrifice at the temple of Jupiter under pain of death.

What now?

You’ve just insulted the emperor’s patron god and undermined the unity and honor of the universal Roman state.  In fact, you’ve insulted all self-respecting Romans who faithfully venerate Jupiter in the way that their ancestors had always done.  That’s why the emperor demands that you show respect to the great father god.

Not my problem.  I mean, that’s why Rome fell, right?  Can’t stop them believing stupid stuff, but it doesn’t mean I need to believe in it just to cater to their fantasies, right?

So, you’re saying that you don’t owe anything to the beliefs of other people?  Does that likewise mean that others don’t owe anything to your beliefs?

Well, they got to respect my beliefs, right?  But they don’t have to believe them.

One nation under God?

Well, that’s different.  That’s God.

I’m sorry, which god was that exactly?

Christ, you starting this again?  There’s only one God and everyone knows it!